Dear 2019,

Its been 11 and 16 days. I can say that was fast. You speedily vanishing to the old calendar cabinets but can we still get hold of you? We seemingly need to talk. We need a sit down. Do we? Are you granting me the chance or I should step? I may sound insane but you got to hear me out. I may not be loud enough but this is the last of the breath that I have. I saved it for this day, for you.

The end of the decade. You approaching the last of the days. Some memories are hitting new anniversaries. Some are good some are bad. I’m not here to complain but set a few things square.

You leaving when I’m getting my pen and paper to draft my goals. The ones I have achieved if I can recall of any and the ones I was to achieve when you decided to part. I was to write to you. Remind you of how much you have taken from me and also get to appreciate the lessons you gave. The ride was bumpy but I got to fix a few in the course.

On one or a few I got to say goodbye to a number of things, people and beloved ones whom you robbed. Shocking as it may sound but I’m not blaming you. Its the timing that fell on your plot. The days that got to me or to a couple of individuals I know. Well, did we complain? Yes, pretty much. Others gushed blood and many got themselves hanging from the ropes but you didn’t stop. It did hurt till the end. Its still painful and as I said I’m not complaining.

This is to let you know, we letting you go. Willingly but with scars that will remind us of you. With hard hearts and vigil eyes in case you come back. We not honouring you because you not a legend. At the weakest you showed no mercy and of value we treasure and the contrary we let go.

Holding on may hurt but letting go brings about relief though heavy hearts find no rest. My thoughts are wandering and the importance of this message is not clear but this is the little that I’m pointing out.

I don’t want to sit and watch myself break. Over think about what I did and what I didn’t do. Right or wrong I want to dictate my pace. I don’t hate you but I want to send you off. My coffee is getting cold and I need to keep warm. Amidst tears I am saying goodbye. For the days we had, the lessons you gave, the patches you fixed and the pieces you allowed scatter let me do it by myself. I want to own this space and I definitely want to get the rights. It was nice having you but it did more harm than good yet you played your part. I was excited when you came but the time has come.

Tomorrow is not a guarantee but Better Days are promised.

Yours sincerely, A tired friend .

Dear Friend.

With nostalgia I remember the array of our friendship ordeals back then. You say you have never experienced true friendship and I will tell you I have had a whole encounter of sisterhood and brotherhood in my friends. Narration cannot be the best explanation for this but trust can. Love can be a fitting word but the most of it all its how we vindicated our situations to be true and clear.

Its a myth that a friend is not friend enough if you have not been involved in a sequence of activities that leave you with minimal choices but trust you me its even more intimate when you are involved in situations that predicting tomorrow is a theory, more like an incomplete puzzle.

Days when your friendship is threatened it is the day you will learn a lot. Its the day you will know how you became friends. Its the day you will know how bad or good your relation is. Its the day you will know how many souls want you apart. Sadly its the day you will see your life flashing before you eyes. The continuation of your relation depends on how deep it is. On how solid your trust has been and on how much you are willing to be the friend that they will come back to.

Talk of masked friends. Now and again they will care too much. In most cases they will play victim. For days they will black mail you with the phrase,” what are friends for.” The red flags will be brushed off since relations are a commitment but for days you will not see their input. When their toxic traits will come catching up with your friendship its the day you will learn a lot. In the hard way but a well learnt lesson. This hurts more than a love affair gone sour but do we say? It happens and we live in such moments.

Friendship is more than a love affair. Its trusting someone with your secrets and life at times. Its a belief that when I reach out you will be there for me. Its a promise that I will always welcome you when you are homeless or need a shoulder to lean on. Its more of I will scratch your back than stab your back. Its more of I will look through your eyes and see the pain than I will look out for you. Its more of give me I give you than give and never come back. Its more of I will answer with gratitude than a day to day thank you. Its deeper to I will listen than criticize. Laugh with you and again cry with you.

Its more of I will come through for you and I will not let our friendship enslave us. Its more of lets blossom together like the morning lilies. There is more to friendship than revealed secrets, broken ties and awkward silence. Be the friend they will always approach than the friend they will avoid like plague.

Fix each others crowns and colour life, light up rooms and paint streets with love and not pain.

Generational Trauma.

The millennial generations happen to be the most struggling. From generation X to generation Alpha. Things happen so fast. Situations change so fast and time changes. The wrong time fell on our paths. The days when depression is killing us. Spelling poverty as days go by. Talk of schooling for years and you sum up to trekking for days looking for a job or rather a source of income. But that said and not solved, what makes us push? What makes us feel whole again? What makes us pull the strings?

They lied when they said growing up is fun. They lied when they said there is freedom in old age. They lied when they said finish your education you will get a job. They took us for a ride when they gave us the adulthood ticket. We are trapped in issues that will not change anytime soon. We are losing it but mostly we are losing ourselves in the process of finding the better days.

Frustrations, fear and pressure are by day determining the social class we take. Some sparks are glamour looking but they are burning hot. Its not easy.

When they said they care they didn’t mean it. When they got all the riches they needed they are still depressed but why?

We have heard of popular and unpopular opinions, issues and non- issues but all they do is affect us directly or indirectly and well, they will be trending on our social media and end day its done. The most affected will just be nagged. Some will be assassinated, some will commit suicide and some will get to move on after many days. This still explains why no one cares or rather its all about us to ensure we survive.

We have assumed that cyber bullying is okay or rather its fun. We let body shamers have it easy. We let broken people get to us in the name of being savage. We have let people set our standards. We are taking in a lot more than we are gaining. In most cases they lied about plenty of stuff and its getting to us.

How about we take it by our schedule. Within our reach. Do it as it suits us. In our own time. We all can’t have it at the same time but in different days our stars will shine. We will find peace in solitude. We can always control our frustrations. Set your own pace.

End day we will prefer the greenest grass. Lets water it.

Social life fanatic.

My social life is not up the meter level but at least its not that awkward. I can admit that I’m not socially acceptable or neither do I have excellent social skills but I try . Being caught up in someone’s drama is traumatizing. Call me dramatic but most people don’t find it welcoming. As a good citizen, minding my own business is key but allow me poke my nose in this.

Silencing people came with the dictators and maybe the colonizers but we past that. In the world today you punch someone and they strike back harder than expected. Its a man eat man society but the wise go low on the same. Bullying is or has been rampant and most people have fall victim of the same. We innocently make friends and as time goes by you get the reasons to keep them or cut the ties.

The getting along of individuals depends on the daily conversations that they hold and on how much of a team they can make or lets say how well they can present to the society.. morally and ethically. With the friends we choose there comes some controversies and issues that are of no benefit.

Talk of mistaken identity. How many people have got their ass kicked because others thought they are the actual intruders of their peace? How many cars have been keyed just because one thought the owner was messing with their partners. How many people have been yelled at, humiliated and disrespected just because they are seen with people whom others have bad blood or they simply have unfinished agendas.

Well that said but not solved, people get to think that once they close certain doors none should open them. Others get to have it that the room only contains what they used to store or get from there. Others tend to think that the rooms should remain locked as long as their access to that room is dormant or out of existence. All this are a bunch of wrong choices. You can take sides.

Humans need to drop some syndromes. Life goes on no matter what. Punch me, give me dents, slam the door on my face, i will still get up and do what’s important and that that benefits me. If your clock has stopped just get it charged the world does not stop on the sound of your cough. Don’t dim my light if yours is off. Some relations are not deep based on the people having it. Just don’t let your insecurity cloud your judgement. Opportunities to making things right are lessened or increased by your day to day input.

Night Life

For a normal person they would love to lead a simple life. Yes they do have. They assume they are not complicating things and in most cases their situations are definable. Welcome to the life of an over thinker. Their dish is well served with plenty of thoughts, migraine and sprinkles of insomnia. Did I say their life is coated with some cream of unsolved thoughts and unnecessary situations? Well, now you know.

Just but thinking of July… today, it lead me to the thought of talking about night life. A life that is well conversant with darkness . When dusk comes the sky is painted black. The paint gets deeper as the night gets hot or chilly. It depends. Your night is different as all our lives are.

When you going home after a day shift someone is going to work for a night shift. This is their major. When a life is claimed, one is being born that very night. When one is withdrawing their day time salary one is being robbed. Nights are mysterious aren’t they?

When others are happy others are grieving. Lucky are those playing slow and peaceful music while others are banging the stereos with sad and sombre music. Where do you belong? The list continues. Is it too much to handle? Hold up..it can still be or its a time when relations are blossomimg while other are breaking. This comes in regard to the time and point you are in your life. Also a time when truth is prevailing and lies are spreading . As dark as the night can be. It can hold its light or its darkness.

The darkest hour is before dawn. When it hits us hard that we have to be normal. Normal in a society that has given us wounds, dents, pain , sorrow, name them. Again a society that has given us nature and peace that comes naturally if we seek it.

Yes the coin has two sides. For at the crack of dawn, we shall put on our masks. Fake that smile. Dry those pillow and when night comes the cycle continues. When will we accommodate the days that we are living for? The better days? The lovely times that we wish we could be sipping wine instead of poison? The days that we will be enjoying the breeze by the ocean instead of thinking about suicide. The days that we will embrace both day and night as equal times? Did they say patience. Well, it seems we would have to wait a little longer.

Maybe others love weird but wait. At the end of that tunnel there seems to be some light. No, the way is too thick for us to get there. Working an extra mile won’t hurt but it will consume our patience. For days we would have to put our armour on for its not that easy to live two masked lives and be normal. Not certain but definitely as psychos what has that got to do with us? Nothing… but the world made us so and the night life is live as long as the habits die hard. Our souls maybe painted black with the touch of a grey world but we can find love in the colours. Is it going to happen?

Random II

I could hear your voice call me but as I neared it faded. It was filled with pain and agony. I was dying to help and anxious to know what was happening what was bothering you. Sadly it led me to the woods. I tripped now and again but what drove me was to save your soul. Manoeuvring through the thick bushes, getting myself scars but still hoping that I could find you.

I wanted us to laugh once our wounds heal but I’m in this jungle still hoping to see you. My thoughts are wandering and my soul is homeless. I met you I met a friend. One who could look through my soul. One who could read me like a book. One who could feel my bones clutter when I’m broken.

It was love from our heart to the world. Our contagious smiles to strangers. Our being cheeky even on the unnecessary times. Our annoying teasing and dares to people who barely knew us. This was us but there is no us anymore. The memories are fading quick. Our aura has become unbearable.

The forest is getting thick. The clouds are darkening and the winds are blowing hard. The scent from our cologne is full of blood and sweat. What a mess! Broken, lost and shuttered is the definition that we acquired just as our world ended. When the clock stopped tickling. When the birds stopped chirping and the sun was setting.

Nothing can replace the us that we built. The small world that we belonged in. The simple life that made us happy before everything else became complicated. Before the vocabulary escaped our speeches. Before the beautiful sceneries were replaced with blur images.

Its time we replace our regrets with I did this and it came out as expected although expectations are questionable. I wish sounds cruel but the instincts can always lead us to the paths headed home. Our ego and pride can always come second. Wonderful friendships can never be replaced. Love can never be an option but a priority. From self to the world. Don’t dim that light before it serves its purpose. Let the bonfire lit all night long. Be vigil on your life.

Can it be?

Normally the darkest hour cometh before dawn. The hour that good and bad things can happen since we don’t define fate. The hour of anxiety, the hour that you don’t wish to be awake but insomnia is not aware of your fears neither the world is. The hour of depression. The hour when all the nasty things about life start flashing through your mind in a nostalgic way. Is this the fair way that life can punish us? How unfair can it be? How many hours are we going to spend collecting the pieces? Sticking them together. How many and how long will it take?

It was all smiles when you first met. Hours and days passed by. All was good. The coffee dates, late and early lunches in town or even different towns. The road trips. The vacations. Love was young and full of life. It had a different meaning. All the good days that life had brought forth. The vibe was lively and unavoidable. You pursued her she finally gave in to your sweet words. To your pleas and i may not be wrong to say to your lies but who was she to think you can lie? Everyone can fall for effort and commitment depending on how it is put forward.

With time years are gone. A glamour church wedding. The honeymoon was to her dream destination. Simply your life was a spark. All the sacrifices all the happiness and all the beauty that life gave you. A blessing I say. You both had what you have always wanted but for how long will this stick? Life is full of surprises and the world is dynamic.

Living under the same roof can be different as compared to the courtship and dating life. Learning a new thing about your spouse each day. Wrecking each others nerves but in a friendly way as any couple could. The pressure of doing everything right took over. It was too much. You found her boring. But why? Because she wanted you to reason out with her. To help her do some duties after a long day. She never asked for much but your ego and pride took over. Even with all this she kept trying. She still had your back. Later,your gang poisoned your thoughts. “A woman should be submissive.” For some reason you thought of raising your hand on her. Or you once did, clearly things started going down the drain.

Again all the wrong things don’t come from men only but its a double edged sword. He lost the spark because he had all the pressure of doing things right. Giving you a good life and providing for them kids but then you lost your patience. You fell to numerous traps but as of the vows and love he forgave you. He listened to you all the time but still the broth was spoilt. He was not perfect but you thought he should but why? He was genuine with you but society poisoned your mind that men never tell the truth. You didn’t pay attention to the actions. You were busy pursuing other agendas. The plane has lost balance and its definitely clashing.

Our pride, ego and selfishness has cost us life. We are living by the edge with guilt and betrayal. We can’t look at some faces the same way we used to when we barely knew them. Of love at the first sight and innocence. Its burnt beyond recognition we left with ashes. We have exhausted all the chances. We are clinging to the wrong memories and nursing unhealing wounds. The things that are ruining our relations are now worth the pain and torture that comes after.

Of holding hands and kisses. Of the days by the sea. Of the walks at the park and the plays on the sand, they are all gone. They are the saddest things that we can recall of since the relations are no more. The ties are broken. The alter vows are now words, words that have no meaning because they never had any. All the time that you both invested has been wasted and all the days are now sombre.

Life is what we make it. Love is a beautiful thing when it exists between two people who know what they want. We can argue but still live a happy life because we all make mistakes. Let the hour before dawn be a hour of prayer and not pain. Let it be the hour of preparation for morning. For bright and better days. We can always amend our ways and rekindle the love if it was ever love from the very beginning.